(This is a spoof in response to a story I read about an idiot running around Uganda, converting Christians to “Happy Science“)

Narcissus, he who noticed his reflection and fell in love with it…

Narcissus Amare is a post-modern religion, based upon ancient beliefs which have been brought up to date, in it’s full effect.  The main tenent of the faithful is that YOU are the god.  Over the millinea, the Secret Guides, sometimes referred to as “The Watchers”; of whom the chief is one we might call Arkham, put in place a system of controls which would allow everyone to attain godhood.  In this introduction, we will list the 10 guides that all converts must follow to reach illumination.

The Ten Guides
Although the dominant religion today is Christianity, it has no interest to us. However, we have set up our religion on the same “structure” of the Christian religion, as to help “converts” work their way up our chain of illumination.  Following are what we have come to know as the Ten Guides to illumination and perfection.

1. The Mirror is the symbol of our deity, and reflects the deity whenever you worship at it.
2. Ye shall constantly modify your belief system based on Guide #3; however ye shall always worship at the deity (see #1)
3. Technology is the communication prophet: Lo, it comes with words of great joy and happiness* (*must be kept on a current subscription and constantly replenished through the structure of planned obsolecence)
4. 5 minutes shall be the limit of comprehension. “Ignorance is Strength” shall be the central mantra.
5. 15 minutes shall be the limit of attention-giving.”Free your mind” shall be changed to “Cleanse your mind” – chemically, spiritually, and intellectually.  Your goal will be to have a swept “house” so Guide #2 and Guide #3 will illuminate you.
6. Ye shall be known by the virtual friends ye have gathered; gather much, for the harvest is greatest for those who follow suggestion #1 the most.
It is of no importance that they be real friends
It is only of importance that others believe they are real friends
7. Constant Reconciliation of opposing viewpoints shall be thy guide:
• Ye shall take on all cultural pop ideas based on Guide #3
• Ye shall reject all group thinking as a concept
• Ye shall declare that Ye are individual and unique
• Ye shall look, dress, eat, and live like the current vogue as established by Guide 2 and 3
• Ye shall mark your bodies with pop icons as established by Guide #3
• Ye shall maintain that ye are uniquely individual
• If, through planned obsolesence, the marking of bodies violates Guide #3, ye shall remove at any cost those markings and profess ignorance of ever having them.
• Ye shall suffer no judgment on yourself, unless it comes about from Guide #2
• Ye shall pass judgment constantly based on Guide #2, as established by Guide #3
• Ye shall act irrationally, and reject rationale
• Always, ye shall accuse the unbelievers of irrational thought
8. “I, Me, Mine” shall be the sum of the law (See Beatles January 1969 Get Back/Let It Be sessions)
     “I” – denoting your sacredness as a god, you exist, you are sacred, you are divine
     “Me” – The point of reference on all ye shall do will be based on how it betters you, not others.
     “Mine” – The only goal shall be to get what you want at the expense of all others
9. Cultural androgyny shall be the goal; the feminine (emotion) must become the ruler of the masculine (logic); only then shall ye understand all.
10. All that is gain shall be because of thee; all that is lost shall be because of others.